


last letter(s)

by AslansCompass



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, season five finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23238472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AslansCompass/pseuds/AslansCompass
Summary: Phil left a letter for Daisy. Several letters, actually. After five years of countless adventures, he can't summarize his feelings so easily.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. scrap of loose paper

the serum is in Daisy's gauntlets

> \--found inside Coulson's jacket pocket. 


	2. 3x5  notecard

I lied about using it. It had to be this way. You would never destroy the world. I don't care what they said. You're part of SHIELD; we save people, or stop them if we must. We don't break things. 

> \-- in the other pocket of Coulson's jacket


	3. notepad with 'for today' printed on a balloon header

I suppose you deserve a better explanation than that. I've had a lot of time to think about it, about that future we ended up it. They never had any proof that you did it, Daisy, only circumstantial evidence. The only known individual with those powers--but no proof. Your powers have limits. There's always a price to pay. 

More than that, I know you. You aren't one to accept civilian casualties, much less collateral damage. There's no scenario where I can imagine destroying earth as an acceptable cost-for any of us. 

Someone else ~~did/~~ will do it. And you failed to stop him. In all likelihood, you died trying to stop him. 

I couldn't let that happen again.

You had to have every possible advantage in that fight. 

> \-- folded in thirds, left on Coulson's bedside table


	4. typed on official SHIELD stationary

I'm sorry. Sorry I lied to you, sorry I made you responsible for stopping Talbot.

But I'm not sorry about the rest of it. I knew exactly what I was doing when I left the serum for you. The rest of the team had already made their decision. But it was one I never asked them to make. Either way, you'd have to live with the guilt. 

I didn't want to leave you with that weight. 

You'll have to make more hard choices as director; I didn't want this to be your first. Because I know you; you'd never stop second-guessing yourself, never asking if there could have been another way. But that guilt. That uncertainty. It will eat you alive. 

All you can do is what's right in front of you.

And I have faith that you'll do the right thing.

> \-- left in the printer out-tray


	5. ripped in half

You've saved my life already. Back in the desert, when Raina kidnapped me--you were the one to track me down. And you did it on your own, with no backup and no powers. You've always been a hero, no matter what name you use. 

> \--crumpled in the trash bin


	6. trash bin

I love you. I can't remember if I ever said it, but it's true. May would say that I didn't need to say it, that I showed it with every choice I made, but that's still no excuse. I love you. You're the family I never had, the daughter I never thought I'd be blessed with. in every way that matters, you're family, and I'm so proud of you. You hear me? I'm so proud of you. 

> \--ruined by a wet splodge (coffee)


	7. half-sheet

I was thinking about old times. You know, that mission back in Puerto Rico, the temple and the obelisk and everything....and your dad in that old hotel. I hope he's happy, out there. I hope, somewhere, somehow, he knows how amazing you are. 

You saved me then, too. But I did wonder--who were you talking to? When you said 'Dad!' did you mean him--or me?

> \--scribbled out, with a side note 'too self-absorbed'
> 
> (later, it is found and taken out of the trash. one small word added after the question. _you)_


	8. on a loose-leaf sheet of lined paper

There's so much I could have told you. About SHIELD, about being a leader, about everything I've learned. May can tell you most of it, if you ask her. (She won't want to at first. Keep at it. She'll need to share those memories sometime, and she'll need an excuse to do it. She's never liked being vulnerable, but if she thinks it's helping someone else....well, it's slightly easier.)

The world's changed so many times in the past decade. When I was growing up, some people thought Captain America was a myth, exaggerated propaganda. Now they can watch YouTube footage of him and Tony Stark fighting aliens. There was something Romanov said, before the battle of New York; 'this is nothing we ever trained for.' 

No one knows what the next battle's going to be like. Aliens and gods and monsters and superheroes-- it might be magicians. It might be talking animals. It might elemental forces of nature. But our job is the same: be SHIELD. Defend the earth. Protect people--all the ordinary, everyday people--from disaster. It won't be easy. It won't always be glamorous. 

I know you'll have each others' backs. I know you'll stand together. And I know you'll never, ever, give up.

> \--folded and placed in a sealed envelope, labeled 'Daisy'


	9. yellow sticky note

You would not believe the insurance premiums for secret agents. Or maybe you would. That is, if you've ever thought about them at all. But healthcare costs are ridiculous--and forget about life insurance!

Alright, time to be serious for a moment. I never planned on a long retirement--or any at all, really. Always planned to go out in the saddle. And I did. This time....well, quiet goodbyes aren't so bad, either. 

Sorry, I know I'm rambling. But I promise, I do have a point to all this. 

I have some money set aside for emergencies. I want you to have it. 

No, no protesting. I've already discussed this with May. I don't have any relatives to take care of; you're the closet thing to family I have. Whatever happens next, you need a safety net. Working for a quasi-legal agency fighting aliens and monsters isn't the most secure career path. 

And the funds aren't tied to SHIELD; if you ever want out--if it ever gets to be too much, if you ever want an ordinary life--there's enough for that too. At least enough to make a start. You won't have to live in your van again. 

Make yourself a home, Daisy. 

> \--stuck to a manila envelope 


	10. a small notebook (inside front cover)

...saw this online somewhere. Suggested leaving notes or videos for every occasion that will be missed.

> \--(not mentioned: it was for dying parents)


	11. notebook

July 2

I don't know what your previous birthdays were like, but I can guess. I hope this one is better. I hope you're celebrating it with May and Simmons and Fitz and the others, and more people I never had the pleasure to meet. I hope it's everything you wanted. But even if it's not, even if you're alone and miserable, I want you to know this: the world is a better place because you're in it. You've made a difference in so many peoples' lives, mine not the least. You are loved. You are valued. You are precious.

when you lose someone

it's not your fault. I can't guess what happened or how, but it's not your fault. no one is fast enough, smart enough, strong enough, to save everyone. Not even the Avengers. We're only human, all of us. Maybe it was a team member, someone who knew the risk. Maybe it was a civilian, caught in the crossfire. Either way, someone is dead, and you feel responsible. 

That's not a bad thing. It means you care. Even if it leaves you hollow, gutted out and empty--it means you're still human. It hurts. Let it hurt. And learn from it.

when you need a laugh 

How do you recognize a dad joke? You don't have to, it's always a parent! 

Yes, it's awful. That's the point. 

> \--random selections


	12. back of a team photo

It may surprise you, but I didn't exactly have the white-bread, picket fence upbringing you'd expect. My dad Robert died when I was young, so I was brought up my mom. She had it rough--always stretching to make ends meet, long hours and tight corners. She loved me, I never doubted that, but sometimes I'd wonder what I was missing. What it'd be like to have someone in your corner, someone strong backing you up. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, nobody taught me how to be a dad. But I guess I picked it up along the way. 

I think it works the other way around, too. Doesn't matter if you never knew what it's like to have a family. You're never too old to learn. Or to need one. 

> \--in a dime store frame


	13. handwritten note

It's funny, but even with all these attempts, I still don't know what to say. I suppose, in the end, words aren't enough. I'll always be thinking of one more story, one more word of advice....one more hug. 

> \--left on a bedside table


End file.
